hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
