i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The adults are the big ones right?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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