Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We need to rekindle our bromance
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
