the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
