Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
