if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
