We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
