so explain again why im purple
no
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
