Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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