so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
