my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
