I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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