even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
