there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
