Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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