tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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