I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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