This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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