I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he puts the penis in happiness.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
