So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
