final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
someone owes me an orgasm
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
