I'm going to jail i love you
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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