I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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