im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
