im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
