the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
