It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
