I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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