I am in a vortex of obligation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
