**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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