Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
