whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
FUCK WHALES
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
