Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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