My sheets look like a crime scene.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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