Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
