remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
