So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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