you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
