Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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