I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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