Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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