imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
