help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
