i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
