So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
