idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
