Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Your penis caused this!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
