is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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