Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
