Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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