I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
