I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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