I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
