I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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