Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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