I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.