So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".