Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
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Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet