New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?