I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
