the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I could make wine with my vomit
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.