Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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