fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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