The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
