I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
