My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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