I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
