I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
