UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
