my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
