You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
where am i from again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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