i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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